My name is Shayani Ann Turko
and I struggle with procrastination
It's sensible to write only about the things one does well; to write about things one does not quite do right, I think is brilliance. The reason is, sometimes our confessions let people know that they are not alone in their struggles, which takes away the stress involved in "change". Stress may set the alarm bells off, alerting us to the fact that change is needed in our lives, but rarely does it inspire transformation.
I believe understanding, empathy, and the ability to see something as it is, not only as it should be, induce change more. So that's why I want to talk about my struggles with procrastination today.
Usually when I have a deadline, I find myself doing everything but the work relating to that deadline. The pile of laundry suddenly becomes top priority. The (sparkling) kitchen counters look like they need an extra wipe down. The nagging feeling of guilt for not keeping up with friends becomes unbearable. All this when you sit down to think of doing some work on that deadline that's coming up.
Sure, you start to think of the project well in advance - because you still remember how fried your brain was when you last pulled an all nighter and you promised yourself that this was absolutely the last time you'd put yourself through such misery. But as the months become weeks, and weeks become days to the deadline, you find yourself still distracted, still unable to start.
You have an acute case of procrastination, and you are past the stage of denial.
Having tried and failed in fixing my behaviour, I thought of taking a fresh perspective about my struggle, Maybe the problem is not the behaviour: the various ways in which I procrastinate almost pathologically. Maybe understanding why I do it may actually help me in turning my attention on the roots of my behaviour - attitudes and beliefs, which determine what I eventually do. And when you look at those underlying beliefs you are going to find something interesting. Often all those attitudes and beliefs that solidify certain ingrained behaviours are stubbornly holding on to you through the power of some kind of emotion, feelings, you know, those gooey stuff!
Let me explain what I mean. I realized to my surprise that the No. 1 reason I procrastinate was not laziness but fear: fear of failure, fear of disappointments, fear of rejection, fear of mistakes, fear of being misunderstood, and the list goes on. And some of you, if you take the time to think about it, would agree with me. But instead of naming and acknowledging the fear that's lurking behind the scenes of our action, we prefer to fix our outward actions, because frankly it's much easier, and less messier.
That may be the case. But how often have we failed in trying to not procrastinate? We may get some success at first, but we tend to fall back into our old behaviour patterns before long, and then giving up, we think this is the way things are going to be.
I have news for you! It doesn't have to be that way. I think it's time we stop and look fear in the eye and actually name everything that makes us afraid. Do yourself a favour, while you name your fears, suspend judgment on yourself and others - it's called grace.
Acknowledge also the emotions that come to the surface with say something like fear of rejection. Name it. Don't claim it. Just acknowledge that it's there, and possibly that's a sore spot for you. At this point, I personally go to God to get healing for my soul, through forgiveness, confession, and the counsel of mature believers. I am learning that forgiveness, even repeatedly, and letting go of things is vital to the healing of my own soul. Also, the grace you give yourself when you look at the gooey hurting stuff of your soul, makes space for more love which does wonders!
In fact, I think, it's love that drives out fear. Some people think that the opposite of fear is courage. I disagree. I think it's love, love expressed in different forms: kindness, patience, humility, goodness, mercy etc. . . And love in turn, inspires us to make courageous decisions, and take bold actions, no matter how small they are at first.
But being mindful to your soul and all the emotions that attach themselves to your negative beliefs is not enough. It is important also to replace your behaviour with something positive. When I tried to change procrastination by trying harder to do things faster, or in advance, I didn't succeed because 1) I was not paying attention to the attitudes and emotions that were really driving my actions, attitudes and emotions which were in fact getting in the way of me taking action in the first place; and 2) I tried to change wholesale.
Once I know that I am hesitant to start something because I have some kind of fear, I acknowledge it. Then I ask myself, "Is there one thing, a single step, I can do towards achieving my goal today?" You see, it's not about taking on the whole thing at once, because I think that is what is overwhelming us and leading us to procrastination in the first place. It's about doing one little thing, consistently, every day, towards your goal. On a given day, doing that ONE THING is the only thing you have to focus on.
It's important to remember this about our human makeup when we think about change or changing. We have to take a holistic or the sozo approach. Our actions don't often stand alone. They are the product of beliefs, attitudes, and emotions we have carried with us for years. If we want change to take effect in our physical, observable reality, often we have to start from inside - in our souls, in our minds and our spirits. We need all those components that make us a human being to cooperate and work together if we want lasting change in our lives.
Having tried and failed in fixing my behaviour, I thought of taking a fresh perspective about my struggle, Maybe the problem is not the behaviour: the various ways in which I procrastinate almost pathologically. Maybe understanding why I do it may actually help me in turning my attention on the roots of my behaviour - attitudes and beliefs, which determine what I eventually do. And when you look at those underlying beliefs you are going to find something interesting. Often all those attitudes and beliefs that solidify certain ingrained behaviours are stubbornly holding on to you through the power of some kind of emotion, feelings, you know, those gooey stuff!
Let me explain what I mean. I realized to my surprise that the No. 1 reason I procrastinate was not laziness but fear: fear of failure, fear of disappointments, fear of rejection, fear of mistakes, fear of being misunderstood, and the list goes on. And some of you, if you take the time to think about it, would agree with me. But instead of naming and acknowledging the fear that's lurking behind the scenes of our action, we prefer to fix our outward actions, because frankly it's much easier, and less messier.
That may be the case. But how often have we failed in trying to not procrastinate? We may get some success at first, but we tend to fall back into our old behaviour patterns before long, and then giving up, we think this is the way things are going to be.
I have news for you! It doesn't have to be that way. I think it's time we stop and look fear in the eye and actually name everything that makes us afraid. Do yourself a favour, while you name your fears, suspend judgment on yourself and others - it's called grace.
Acknowledge also the emotions that come to the surface with say something like fear of rejection. Name it. Don't claim it. Just acknowledge that it's there, and possibly that's a sore spot for you. At this point, I personally go to God to get healing for my soul, through forgiveness, confession, and the counsel of mature believers. I am learning that forgiveness, even repeatedly, and letting go of things is vital to the healing of my own soul. Also, the grace you give yourself when you look at the gooey hurting stuff of your soul, makes space for more love which does wonders!
But being mindful to your soul and all the emotions that attach themselves to your negative beliefs is not enough. It is important also to replace your behaviour with something positive. When I tried to change procrastination by trying harder to do things faster, or in advance, I didn't succeed because 1) I was not paying attention to the attitudes and emotions that were really driving my actions, attitudes and emotions which were in fact getting in the way of me taking action in the first place; and 2) I tried to change wholesale.
Once I know that I am hesitant to start something because I have some kind of fear, I acknowledge it. Then I ask myself, "Is there one thing, a single step, I can do towards achieving my goal today?" You see, it's not about taking on the whole thing at once, because I think that is what is overwhelming us and leading us to procrastination in the first place. It's about doing one little thing, consistently, every day, towards your goal. On a given day, doing that ONE THING is the only thing you have to focus on.
It's important to remember this about our human makeup when we think about change or changing. We have to take a holistic or the sozo approach. Our actions don't often stand alone. They are the product of beliefs, attitudes, and emotions we have carried with us for years. If we want change to take effect in our physical, observable reality, often we have to start from inside - in our souls, in our minds and our spirits. We need all those components that make us a human being to cooperate and work together if we want lasting change in our lives.
0 comments:
Post a Comment